Principles to hold onto

• Start with choice and dignity. Ask what matters most today, and match your help to that.
• Go slow, then adjust. Short trips beat marathons. Build stamina over time.
• One task at a time. Decision making can be tiring. Keep the plan simple.
• Safety first, pride a close second. Step in when needed, step back when not.

Common challenges you may notice

• Fatigue and pain that build quickly with walking, standing, or queueing.
• Mobility limits such as reduced balance, foot drop, or one-handed grip.
• Cognitive load like short term memory glitches, slower processing, or overwhelm in busy aisles.
• Communication changes if aphasia is present, finding words or understanding fast speech.
• Sensory overload from bright lights, noise, beeps, and crowds.
• Fine motor hurdles such as opening fridge doors, lifting heavy baskets, or managing coins and cards.

None of these mean shopping is out of reach. They mean we plan differently.

Before you go: set up for success

1. Agree the goal. Essentials only, a top up shop, or a practice run.
2. Make a smart list. Group by sections, for example fruit and veg, dairy, toiletries. Use large print or a notes app with tick boxes.
3. Choose the right time. Quiet hours suit many people. Mid morning on a weekday is often calmer than late afternoon.
4. Plan the route. Park near the entrance if possible. Check for lifts, accessible loos, and seats.
5. Decide roles. For example, your person drives the list and choices, you handle lifting and queueing.
6. Pack the right kit.
   • Lightweight tote or rucksack.
   • Easy open purse or wallet, or a phone with contactless set up.
   • A foldable reacher if needed.
   • Water and a small snack, fatigue can hit fast.
   • Any communication aids, for example a card that explains aphasia in a sentence.
7. Set a time limit. Aim for 20 to 40 minutes at first. Plan a break or a café stop if that helps.

In the shop: how to be useful without taking over

• Walk at their pace. Stand on the affected side if they like the extra stability.
• Offer two choices, not ten. For example, “Shall we get the usual brown loaf or try this seeded one.”
• Read the shelf for them. Labels are small. Say price, size, and any offers clearly.
• Handle the heavy or awkward items. Let them place lighter items to keep ownership.
• Use a trolley for balance. It doubles as a walking aid.
• Keep communication simple and calm.
  • Speak one idea at a time.
  • Give time to respond. Count to five in your head before repeating.
  • If words are stuck, try writing or pointing.
• Manage sensory overload. If the aisle is noisy, suggest a quick pause by the endcaps or near the bakery where it is often quieter.
• Queue kindly. Stand slightly ahead to handle payment if that is the plan. If not, be the steady presence and let them tap the card.
• Protect privacy. If staff ask questions, look to your person first. Only answer if they cue you in.

Payment and packing

• Contactless is easiest. Keep the card or phone ready before the till.
• Bag smart. Heavier items in a trolley bag, lighter items in a shoulder bag. Avoid overfilling.
• Pace it. Ask for a packing shelf or slow belt if available. A simple “Could you slow the belt a little please” usually works.

Travel to and from the shop

• Door to door thinking. The hardest steps are often the first ten and the last ten. Drop off at the entrance if possible.
• If using public transport, allow time for ramps and lifts, and avoid rush hour.
• At home, bring items to a waist height surface. Do not ask them to stretch to high cupboards when tired.

When shopping is too much today

You still have options that protect independence.

• Click and collect with you as the runner. They make the choices, you do the lifting.
• Home delivery together. Sit side by side, agree the list, and book a time that suits their energy pattern.
• Neighbour or family rota. A trusted person can pick up basics, while your person keeps control through a shared list.

Building confidence over time

• Start with one aisle and leave, on purpose. Success breeds confidence.
• Add one new task each week, for example using self-checkout, finding one item alone, or asking a staff member for help.
• Celebrate wins, even tiny ones. “You led the whole dairy section today. Brilliant.”

Money and memory

• Use a running list in the kitchen. Photograph the last page before you leave.
• Keep a small “usuals” list saved on the phone for repeat orders.
• Encourage one payment method only to avoid confusion.

If things go wrong

• Meltdown or overwhelm: step aside, lower your voice, offer water, breathe together, and leave if needed. You can try again another day.
• Trip or near fall: sit, check for pain, and avoid moving quickly. Report hazards to staff.
• Communication breaks down: switch to writing or show the item photo. Simple works.

How to talk in the tough moments

• “Would you like me to give two options, or read the whole shelf.”
• “Shall I ask the staff, or would you like to.”
• “We can stop now. We have enough for today.”
• “You did the choices, I did the lifting. Teamwork.”

Quick checklist you can screenshot

• Goal agreed, list sorted, time limit set
• Quiet time chosen, route and parking checked
• Roles decided, card or phone ready
• Water, snack, communication card packed
• Trolley for balance, you handle heavy items
• Two choices at a time, keep it calm
• Celebrate small wins, finish before the energy crashes

Final word

I know how exposing shopping can feel after a stroke. With your steady support, clear roles, and a plan that respects energy and dignity, the weekly shop can move from dreaded to doable. You are not just getting groceries. You are helping rebuild confidence, choice, and everyday freedom.