First, what aphasia is, in plain words

Aphasia is a communication difficulty caused by damage to the brain, often after stroke. It can affect speaking, understanding, reading, and writing. Intelligence is not the problem. The person is still the same inside. The pathway for language is disrupted. With the right support, many of us get better at communicating over time.

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Golden principles for everyday conversations

Think of SLOW:

• Speak simply: short sentences, one idea at a time.
• Listen fully: give time, keep eye contact, remove distractions.
• Offer choices: yes or no, this or that, point or show.
• Wait: count to five in your head before jumping in.

Before you start

• Get the basics right: glasses on, hearing aid in, TV off, phone face up for notes or pictures.
• Sit level, face the light, and make sure you can both see each other’s faces.

While you talk

• Use everyday words. Avoid jargon or fast topic changes.
• Ask closed questions when needed: “Do you want tea or coffee?”
• Write key words on paper or a phone. Say them as you write.
• Use gestures, drawings, photos, and objects. Pointing helps.
• Check understanding gently: “Shall I say that back to you to make sure I got it right?”

When things get stuck

• Take a breath together. Frustration is normal.
• Offer a route forward: “Tell me the first letter.” “Show me with your hands.” “Can you draw it?”
• Try a yes or no ladder: “Is it a person? A place? At home? Outside?”
• If it is not working, park it with respect: “Let us pause and try again later.”

After the chat

• Summarise simply: “So, tomorrow at 10, I will drive you to the GP.”
• Note it down somewhere visible. Predictable routines reduce stress.

Build a simple conversation toolkit

Keep a small bag or folder you both know. Mine includes:

• A thick pen and notepad
• Alphabet board and number line
• A sheet of common phrases, names, and key facts, for example address and medications
• Topic cards: family, food, places, pain scale, today’s plan
• A few photos that matter: home, regular destinations, important people
• A phone with a speech or drawing app, and saved picture folders

Do’s and don’ts, the quick list

Do:

• Speak to the person, not over them.
• Give time, then give more time.
• Praise effort, not just perfect words.
• Ask how they want help today. Needs can change.

Do not:

• Finish every sentence for them. Offer, do not take over.
• Quiz or correct like a test. This drains confidence.
• Say “It does not matter.” It does matter. Try another route.
• Talk louder unless there is hearing loss. Aphasia is not volume related.

Group chats, visits, and noisy places

• Keep groups small. Two or three people is kinder than six.
• Agree a hand signal for “one at a time.”
• Sit at a round table if you can. Faces help.
• In restaurants, ask for a quiet corner. Choose off-peak times.
• For family gatherings, build in short breaks. Fatigue makes aphasia louder.

Phone and video tips

• Video beats audio when possible, because lips, hands, and expression add meaning.
• Turn on live captions if available.
• Text or message key points before or after the call.
• If using a traditional phone, slow your rate and add pauses.

Medical and official appointments

• Prepare together: write the top three points or questions in large print.
• In the room, speak to the person first. Then add details if asked.
• Take notes and read them back at the end: who, what, when, where.
• Ask for written summaries and accessible information.
• Check if Speech and Language Therapy is in place, and ask for home strategies you can support.

How to support the emotions behind aphasia

Communication loss can feel like grief. Here is what helped me:

• Name the feeling without fixing it: “This is hard, and I am with you.”
• Protect dignity: ask before stepping in.
• Keep identity alive: include hobbies, roles, humour, and choice.
• Celebrate small wins: a new word, a longer chat, a successful phone call.
• Create safe silence. Not every moment needs rescuing.

If low mood, anxiety, or anger feel constant, encourage a chat with the GP or stroke team. Emotional rehab is part of recovery, not a side issue.

Gentle practice ideas you can do together

• Five-minute chats on one topic with a timer. Stop while it is going well.
• Picture stories: use a photo and build a simple narrative using key words and gestures.
• Yes or no games: quick questions to warm up.
• Role play real life: ordering a drink, making an appointment, asking for directions.
• Word book: add new useful words with a picture. Review little and often.

Repairing misunderstandings, step by step

1. Pause and breathe.
2. Say what you caught: “You said ‘garden’.”
3. Ask the next best question: “Is it about today?”
4. Offer tools: write, draw, point to a photo, show first letter.
5. Park and return later if either of you is tired.

Protecting your own energy

Supporting someone with aphasia is meaningful and tiring.

• Share the load across family and friends.
• Plan breaks for both of you. Rest is part of the plan.
• Join a peer group or online community for ideas and morale.
• Notice your wins too. You are learning a new language together.

Sample phrases that felt kind to me

• “Take your time, I am listening.”
• “Can you show me?”
• “Shall I write it down?”
• “Is it this or that?”
• “Let us try again after a cup of tea.”
• “You did well there.”

The big picture

Aphasia changes how we connect, not who we are. With simple language, patient pauses, and a few good tools, you can help your person be heard and included. Progress often comes in small steps that add up. Keep the relationship at the centre, keep dignity in view, and keep going together.