Start small and keep it winnable

• I began with ten to twenty minute visits: a coffee on a bench, one friend at a time, or a short family drop-in.
• I chose quiet places closer to home. If it felt easy, I stayed a little longer next time.
• I planned a clear finish. Knowing I could leave at 9:30 kept my energy steady.

Respect fatigue like a meeting in the diary

• I treat energy as a budget. One plan per day when I was early in recovery.
• I stack the deck in my favour! Good sleep, water, a snack in my bag, meds on time.
• Travel counts too. A bus ride there and back is part of the social effort.

Plan the environment

• Seating with back support helps my body stay relaxed.
• I pick venues with step-free access and a nearby loo. I check the menu in advance if reading is tiring.
• Noise matters. I chose off-peak times or quieter corners so I could follow conversation.

Make communication easier (with or without aphasia)

• I told people what helps: “Please speak one at a time” or “Give me a second to find my words.”
• I carried a notes app and a few key phrases ready. Pointing to a word is still conversation.
• If I was stuck, I summarised: “I know the word, it is not coming. Let me explain it another way.”

Build a buddy system

• I named one friend or family member as my “social wing-person.”
• Their job: help me find a seat, order at the bar, notice when I fade, and walk me out without fuss.
• We had a private signal. Hand on my shoulder meant “time to wrap up. time to go home.”

Use shorter, richer moments

• I swapped long nights out for short rituals: weekly café, park walk, hobby group for 45 minutes.
• I set one purpose per meet-up: share news, practise guitar with a mate, or celebrate a small win.

Scripts that saved me when my brain was slow

• Greetings: “Good to see you. I am a bit slower today.”
• If overwhelmed: “I am losing the thread. Can we slow it down or take a breather”
• Exit lines: “This has been lovely. I need to rest now. Let us book the next one before I go.”

Handle the awkward stuff with grace

• If someone said something clumsy, I tried: “I know you mean well. Here is what helps more.”
• If people drifted away, I reminded myself it was about their discomfort, not my value. I kept inviting the ones who showed up.

Keep alcohol and food simple

• I often chose low or no alcohol, and foods that were easy to chew and handle.
• I ate a little before I went out, which kept my energy and mood steady.

Let your hobbies be your bridge

• Shared activities made talking easier: art class, book club with audiobooks, adapted sports, board games.
• I gave myself permission to participate differently. Observing, timing, keeping score, or doing a shorter set still made me part of it.

Blend offline and online

• Video calls, group chats, and voice notes kept me connected on tired days.
• I used them as warm-ups before meeting in person.

Include your team in the plan

• I told family and close friends what a good social day looks like for me.
• We scheduled rest around big events. They learned my signs of fatigue and helped me bow out early without drama.

Expect ups and downs

• I kept a simple log: where I went, how long, what worked, what to tweak.
• A wobble did not mean I was back at zero. It meant I was human, learning.

Boundaries that protect joy

• I said no to things that drained me and yes to things that fed me.
• I left before I was shattered. Ending on a high made me want to go again.

A simple step-by-step to try this month

Week 1: one ten-minute meet-up in a quiet place.
Week 2: repeat and add a short walk or a shared task.
Week 3: one small group of three to four people, off-peak, with your wing-person.
Week 4: return to the place you liked best and stay five to ten minutes longer.

For family and friends

• Ask, “What would make this easier” and then do that.
• Speak in turns, make space for replies, and do not finish sentences unless invited.
• Offer a lift, a chair, or a quiet corner. Celebrate the attempt, not the duration.

What I remind myself

I am not trying to be who I was. I am building a social life that fits who I am now. Small, kind, and consistent steps brought me back into rooms I love, with people who love me. If you are starting again, you have not failed. You are beginning, and that is brave.